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They play poker in heaven? A man loves poker and he wondered whether they also play poker in heaven. After the meeting he went to the pastor and asked him to. The pastor said, tonight I call it the sky, then I do it right here. The next day, the man with the pastor and the pastor says, I have good news and bad news, the good news is that they actually play in heaven. The bad news is that you are registered for next week for a poker tournament! Totally wrong! Every Monday night they come together to play poker. It was the last week, very late, and Moos Bram asked what his wife had said when he came home at half past three. Bram shakes his head and says: “Speak not of me. She was asleep and I’m very still entered the bedroom. But she was awake all night and has also quarreled.” “Error! Totally wrong!” Moos says. “Totally wrong! You had to follow my method. When I come home late, I do anywhere on the light, throw open the bedroom door and shout:” Get dressed out, we are mothers and fathers play. ” “And then?” Bram asked. “Nine out of ten times does she do if she just sleeps.” 3ling There’s triplets in the womb of the mother. They sat there for 6 months with each play around, and one days they are so bored that they just decide to play poker. Because they were not born they were called 1, 2, & 3. Now No. 3 was constantly losing and then he devised a list. 1 Just as its royal flush husselde he wanted to show all the cards and said, boys, Dad is coming, which means essentially commercial. Phil and his geese Phil Ivey works as a cook in a large villa. If the landlord an afternoon nap, let Phil the gardener, and driver assistance in the kitchen, and they begin to celebrate with his poker. Suddenly, the landlord in the kitchen with his angry voice he said to Phil: Would you for dinner not pluck the feathers from the geese? Phil: – “but where do you think I am doing? Best Friend Bob and his best friend harry play poker every Wednesday with a friend called in January Well recently died in January and bob and harry would have thought in honor by continuing to play poker on Wednesday evening. But they play with two pieces is a bit boring so Harry takes his wife along. So it a few weeks and bob notes that the wife of Harry still in his direction beckons, .. not just look very tempting. Similarly this Wednesday, Bob’s turn to share but leave a few cards on the floor. He dives under the table for the cases to deal cards and sees, to his surprise, under the table that the wife of harry not wearing panties and her legs apart with one hand promotes itself. beduust will bob back down completely shake the cards and share nicely now. The snacks are bob and goes to the kitchen to get new ones. The wife of harry follow em and ask him in the kitchen or what he sees in the offering. Bob was well aware of any offer and found it just embarrassing. So he informs. – “offer?” + Jah want me to bed, 500 euros for a whole day I am yours, uh, … A silence falls and bob considering the moral implications of the fee sleep with the wife of his best friend and the standing of his bank balance. Women of the bob and harry make an appointment for the next days because harry on Thursdays all day on the matter. They go back into the room and play poker evening. The next morning at half past ten bob to harry’s wife on the sidewalk. Harry’s wife opens the door dressed in most dr horny night gown, and asked whether the money and area bob her to follow him into the bedroom, where they sexual transaction taking place. Bob, the 500 million wide grin and leaves the house of Harry and his wife. After working harry comes home and asks his wife ,…” bob has been here? ” his frightened wife and says, .. “uhm jah hoezow?” “and he has given you 500?” asked harry His wife feels caught and would not lie to her husband and so they echoed his question. “Yes bob was here last morning and has given me 500 euros” Harry relieved sigh, .. and says “Bob is a true friend, he came by the office last night morning and asked me to lend him 500 euros, today .. he would repay ,…….” Game of poker The U.S. military was banned poker. A Catholic, Protestant and a Jew are shown, because they have nonetheless played poker. They are accountable. The Catholic: I swear by the Virgin Mary, that I have not played poker. The Protestant relies on Martin Luther and also swears that he has not played poker. Now the Jew’s turn to the oath. He says, Well your honor, I can sometimes play poker on my own? Chubby cheeks Kris and Peter 2 old school mates are after long time again against. Kris sees that Peter has a thick convex cheek and says: that looks painful amaai how you get that? Well said Peter 2days to the casino blackjack playing days were he.De first € 10,000 euros won! Kris: lucky! Piet says yes then won € 100,000 playing poker! Kris: Wow! Piet: Next on the slots games 1.000.000 € won! Kris says: ale young but then you’re filthy rich! Pff says Piet the 2 day return to the casino, all deployed at the roulette and lost. Oei oei menne husband Kris says that’s fucking you to eat when young Piet yes what do you think I am doing! Pizza and poker player What is the difference between a large pizza and a poker player? A large pizza can feed a family, a poker player … Agreement poker and sex What is the similarity between poker and sex? You do not need a partner if you have a good hand Ei belongs on There are two refrigerators in the tree, playing a game of poker. See them under the tree along an egg over hop. Calls one of the refrigerators down, Hey, egg, are you in a game of cards? The three was much nicer. No, calls up the egg, I have no time, I need to have two hours at the hairdresser. Cowboy there is a cowboy in a bar and sees a guy on the floor. cowboy: Death? barman: one must be oprekenen cowboy: cheated? barman: one must be oprekenen cowboy: poker? barman: no the piano … Poker playing with the dog Judith is her living room and sees her brother playing poker with the new dog next door. Wow, she says surprised. “This is the smartest dog in the world, she says.” He is not smart brother says, “.” Of the five bottles I have already won three. ” Poker Cheating Four cowboys sit in an old saloon in Tombstone poker. There’s a lot of money in the pot and they keep each other sharp eye. When one of the players put down cards the dealer was surprised and said, “Hey, George is cheating, he does not play with the cards I’ve dealt with him!” Mistress A man and woman sitting in a fancy restaurant to eat when a very nice young lady to rid the man and kissed him tenderly, and tells him that she later sees him in the hotel room after she goes away again. His wife looks at him and says, what was that all? Oh, the man says, “that was my mistress.” His wife says, “This is the pinnacle, I want a divorce” “I understand,” the man says, “But do not forget that if we get divorced no more trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Mercedes in the garage and no poker trips to Las Vegas, but the decision is yours. Then the knowledge within a woman in the restaurant with a strange woman on his arm. “Who is that woman who comes Klaas? “She asks.” That’s his mistress, “says the man.” Those of us is prettier, “says the woman. Poker Players are Never Satisfied A tinker and his dog enter a bar and discover there is a poker game going in the back room. The tinker’s had a good week so he decides to join in. Most of the players are locals, but one guy, a big winner, is also a stranger in town. The tinker does OK – up a little, down a little, generally holding his own. His dog sits on a chair beside him and watches The Game. About an hour into The Game, the tinker gets a good 7-stud starting hand. On fifth street he makes a club flush. Unfortunately the stranger appears to be working on a spade flush and his highest up card is bigger than the tinker’s highest card. As 7th street is being Dealt, the tinker pats his dog on the head and says, “Girl, I sure could use an ace of clubs.” The dog jumps down from the chair, runs around to the stranger and bites his ankle. As the stranger reaches down to grab the dog, a card falls out of his sleeve. The dog quickly picks it up in her mouth and brings it back to her master. The stranger, Realizing he’s been caught cheating, Leaps up and runs out the door with several locals in pursuit. The tinker takes the card from the dog’s mouth and starts to swear, “You stupid, goddamn dog! Can you get anything right?” The barkeep chides him, “Mister, why are you swearing at your dog like that? She just saved you a lot of money by catching that cheat!” The tinker responds by throwing the card face up on the table, “I tell her the ace of clubs and what does she bring me but the goddamn ace of spades!” Red Dog Poker A Red dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram. He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send: “Bow wow Poker, Bow wow Poker.” The clerk says, “You can add another ‘Bow wow’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog responded, “would not that sound a little silly?” Jungle PokerWhy did the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs. Untranslated Sam and Moos together emigrated from Israel to France without any of the language or culture to know. All tables is a pot of yellow brown ointment that people only a little bit of take. It should be fixed very expensive thought Sam and Moos, otherwise they might take longer. And wonder what it could be (Mustard is almost unknown in Eastern Europe, where they eat a mixture of horseradish and red beets) Once the waiter will look the other way one of them a big scoop out and eat take pot Hett . Sam is first in line. Hardly has he the yellow stuff in his mouth or jump tears in his eyes and his head is red. What did you ask Moos. Ah Sam said I had suddenly thought of my brother who drowned last year. But how does it taste? Moos asks. Delicious says Sam. Dan Moos takes a bigger bite as Sam had done and promptly begins to cry. Why you cry then grinned Sam. I cried last year that you and your brother are drowned. All parts An old couple from the top 80 going into a McDonald’s meal. They put themselves at a table and the male goes to the counter and order a Mc Croquet and comes back with a sandwich, fries and a cola. He cuts the sandwich in two and made the perfect half for his wife. Then he cast the chips out on the plateau and divides them into 2 equal piles and draws a part for his wife. He drinks a sip of Coke and then a sip of his wife and starts eating, while his wife is watching. A young man who is close has seen and found it very sad that these old people together but can afford a portion of their pensions. He goes to the lady and says: “Madam, feel free to order a portion, I will pay the bill.” Says the lady: “It is not necessary, sir, we have been married 60 years and we are accustomed to sharing everything together.” The young man, sits down and sees that the woman eats anything, she waits while her husband continued to eat half. He can not respect, goes back to the madam and says: “Madam, your part feel free to eat, I order a new portion for you.” To which Mrs says, “No thanks, sir, we are accustomed to sharing everything.” Says the young man: “Why do not you start with your share?” The madam says: “We are after 60 years of marriage just to share everything.” To which the young man says: “And when you watch then?” Says the wife: “The false teeth!” Did you also fun poker humor which you want to share, mail it to the website and we pokertips.pro places it directly to this page.

Eles jogam poker no céu? Um homem ama poker e ele perguntou se eles também jogar poker no céu. Após a reunião, foi para o pastor e pediu-lhe para. O pastor disse, hoje à noite Eu chamo-lhe o céu, então eu faço isso aqui mesmo. O dia seguinte, o homem com o pastor eo pastor diz, eu tenho boas notícias e más notícias, a boa notícia é que eles realmente jogar no céu. A má notícia é que você está registrado para a próxima semana para um torneio de poker! Totalmente errado! Toda segunda-feira eles se reúnem para jogar poker. Foi a semana passada, muito atrasado, e Moos Bram perguntou o que a esposa tinha dito quando ele chegou em casa às três e meia. Bram sacode a cabeça e diz: “Não fale de mim. Ela estava dormindo e eu estou muito ainda entrou no quarto. Mas ela estava acordada a noite toda e também brigaram. “Erro! Totalmente errado!” Moos diz. “Totalmente errado! Você tinha que seguir o meu método. Quando eu chego tarde em casa, eu faço em qualquer lugar da luz, escancarar a porta do quarto e gritar:” Vista-se para fora, somos mães e pais desempenham “. “E então?” Bram perguntou. “Nove em cada dez vezes que ela faz, se ela apenas dorme.” 3ling Há trigêmeos no útero da mãe. Sentaram-se lá por 6 meses com cada jogada ao redor, e um dia eles são tão entediado que apenas decidir jogar poker. Porque eles não nasceram, eles eram chamados de 1, 2 e 3. Agora n º 3 foi perdendo constantemente e, em seguida, ele elaborou uma lista. 1 Assim como seu husselde royal flush que ele queria mostrar todas as cartas e disse, meninos, pai está vindo, o que significa essencialmente comercial. Phil e seus gansos Phil Ivey trabalha como cozinheira em uma casa grande. Se o senhorio um cochilo à tarde, vamos Phil o jardineiro, e de assistência ao motorista na cozinha, e eles começam a celebrar com o seu poker. De repente, o senhorio na cozinha com sua voz irritado disse para Phil: Quer para o jantar não arrancar as penas dos gansos? Phil: – “mas onde você acha que eu estou fazendo? Best Friend Bob e seu melhor amigo para jogar poker harry toda quarta-feira com um amigo chamado em janeiro Bem recentemente morreu em janeiro e Bob e Harry teria pensado em homenagem ao continuar a jogar poker na noite de quarta-feira. Mas eles jogam com duas peças é um pouco aborrecido para Harry leva sua esposa junto. Por isso, algumas semanas e notas Bob que a esposa de Harry ainda acena em sua direção, .. Não basta olhar muito tentadora. Da mesma forma nesta quarta-feira, volta de Bob, mas deixar de partilhar alguns cartões no chão. Ele mergulha por baixo da mesa para os casos de lidar cartões e vê, para sua surpresa, debaixo da mesa que não a esposa de Harry vestindo calcinha e pernas abertas, com uma mão se promove. beduust Bob vai recuar completamente agitar os cartões e partes muito bem agora. Os lanches são Bob e vai até a cozinha para pegar os novos. A esposa de Harry e siga em perguntar a ele na cozinha ou o que ele vê na oferta. Bob estava bem ciente de qualquer oferta e encontrou apenas constrangedor. Assim, ele informa. – “Oferecer?” + Jah me quer para a cama, 500 € para um dia inteiro eu sou seu, uh, … Um silêncio cai e Bob considerar as implicações morais da taxa de dormir com a mulher de seu melhor amigo eo prestígio do seu saldo bancário. Bob e esposa de Harry fazer uma nomeação para os próximos dias porque Harry às quintas-feiras o dia todo sobre o assunto. Eles voltam para a sala e à noite para jogar poker. Na manhã seguinte, às dez e meia bob a mulher de Harry na calçada. Esposa de Harry abre a porta vestido em vestido de noite dr mais tesão, e perguntou se o dinheiro e área de bob la a segui-lo para o quarto, onde eles transação sexual ocorrendo. Bob, o sorriso de 500 milhões de largura e deixa a casa de Harry e sua esposa. Depois de trabalhar Harry chega em casa e pede a sua esposa ,…” Bob esteve aqui? ” sua mulher assustada e diz .. “hoezow jah uhm?” “e ele deu-lhe 500?” perguntou Harry Sua esposa se sente travado e não iria mentir para o marido e assim que ecoou sua pergunta. “Bob Sim manhã foi aqui passado e deu-me 500 euros” Harry suspiro aliviado, .. e diz: “Bob é um verdadeiro amigo, ele veio pelo escritório de manhã à noite e me pediu para emprestar-lhe 500 euros, hoje .. ele iria restituir ,…….” Jogo de poker Os militares E.U. foi proibido de poker. Um católico, protestante e um judeu são mostrados, porque eles têm, no entanto jogou poker. Eles são responsáveis. O católico: Eu juro pela Virgem Maria, que eu não tenho jogado poker. O protestante depende de Martin Lutero e também jura que ele não tenha jogado pôquer. Agora vire o judeu, para o juramento. Ele diz: Bem a sua honra, às vezes posso jogar poker no meu próprio país? Bochechas Kris e Pedro 2 colegas de escola estão novamente após longo tempo de encontro. Kris vê que Pedro tem uma face convexa de espessura e diz: olha que amaai doloroso como você conseguiu isso? Bem dito Pedro 2 dias para o casino blackjack jogar primeiro dia foram de € 10.000 € he.De ganhou! Kris: sorte! Piet diz que sim, então ganhou € 100.000 jogar poker! Kris: Uau! Piet: Next nos jogos slots 1.000.000 € venceu! Kris says: ale jovens, mas então você está podre de rico! Pff diz devolver o Piet 2 dias para o casino, todos implantados na roleta e perdeu. Oei oei menne Kris marido diz que é merda que você come quando Piet jovens sim o que você acha que eu estou fazendo! Pizza e jogador de poker Qual é a diferença entre uma pizza grande e um jogador de poker? Uma pizza grande pode alimentar uma família, um jogador de poker … Acordo de poker e sexo Qual é a semelhança entre o poker e sexo? Você não precisa de um parceiro, se você tem uma boa mão Ei pertence a Há dois frigoríficos na árvore, jogar um jogo de poker. Vê-los debaixo da árvore ao longo de um ovo sobre hop. Solicita um dos frigoríficos para baixo, Hey, ovo, você está em um jogo de cartas? Os três foram muito mais agradável. Não, chama-se o ovo, não tenho tempo, eu preciso ter duas horas no cabeleireiro. Cowboy há um vaqueiro em um bar e vê um cara no chão. Cowboy: Morte? barman: uma deve ser oprekenen Cowboy: enganado? barman: uma deve ser oprekenen Cowboy: poker? barman: no piano … Poker brincando com o cachorro Judith é sua sala e vê seu irmão a jogar póquer com o novo cão ao lado. Uau, ela diz surpreso. “Este é o cão mais inteligente do mundo, diz ela.” Ele é o irmão inteligente não diz “.” Dos cinco garrafas que já ganhou três. ” Poker Cheating Quatro cowboys se sentar em um salão de idade no poker Tombstone. Há um monte de dinheiro no pote e mantêm cada outro olho afiado. Quando um dos jogadores colocam as cartas, o comerciante ficou surpreso e disse: “Ei, George é engano, ele não jogar com as cartas que eu lidei com ele!” Mistress Um homem e uma mulher sentada em um restaurante chique para comer quando uma senhora muito simpática jovem para livrar o homem e beijou-o ternamente, e diz-lhe que mais tarde ela o vê no quarto de hotel depois que ela vai embora novamente. Sua mulher olha para ele e diz, o que foi isso? Ah, o homem diz, “essa foi a minha patroa”. Sua mulher diz: “Este é o ponto alto, eu quero um” divórcio “Eu entendo”, o homem diz: “Mas não se esqueça de que, se divorciar sem mais viagens a Paris, no inverno, no Caribe, nenhum Mercedes na garagem e no poker viagens para Las Vegas, mas a decisão é sua. Então, o conhecimento dentro de uma mulher no restaurante com uma mulher estranha em seu braço. “Quem é essa mulher que vem Klaas? “, Pergunta ela.” Essa é sua amante “, diz o homem.” Aqueles de nós é mais bonita “, diz a mulher. Poker Players estão Never Satisfied Um funileiro e seu cachorro em um bar e descobre que há um jogo de poker vai no quarto dos fundos. O funileiro teve uma boa semana para que ele decida aderir polegadas A maioria dos jogadores são locais, mas um cara, um grande vencedor, também é um estranho na cidade. O funileiro faz OK – um pouco, um pouco para baixo, em geral, mantendo o seu próprio. Seu cachorro está sentado em uma cadeira ao lado dele e relógios de The Game. Cerca de uma hora em The Game, o funileiro recebe um bom 7-stud mão inicial. Na rua, ele faz um quinto clube flush. Infelizmente o estranho parece estar trabalhando em uma pá e lave o seu maior cartão é maior que o funileiro é a carta mais alta. No 7 de rua é tratada enquanto, o funileiro aquecer o seu cão na cabeça e diz: “Menina, se eu poderia usar um ás de paus.” O cão salta da cadeira, corre em volta para o estrangeiro e morde seu tornozelo. Como o estranho desce para pegar o cachorro, um cartão de cair fora de sua manga. O cão rapidamente pega em sua boca e traz de volta a seu mestre. O estranho, Percebendo que ele foi apanhado a fazer batota, salta e corre até a porta com vários locais na perseguição. O funileiro leva o cartão da boca do cão e começa a jurar “Você estúpido, cão maldito! Consegue fazer nada direito?” O barman o repreende: “Senhor, por que você está jurando em seu cão como esse? Ela só salvou um monte de dinheiro pela captura que enganar!” O funileiro responde lançando o cartão de face para cima na mesa “, digo-lhe o ás de paus eo que ela me trazer, mas o ás de espadas porra!” Red Dog Poker Um cão vermelho anda em Western Union e pede ao balconista para enviar um telegrama. Ele preenche um formulário no qual ele anota o telegrama que deseja enviar: “Poker Bow wow, Bow Wow Poker”. O atendente diz: “Você pode adicionar outro ‘Bow wow’ para o mesmo preço”. “Mas”, respondeu o cão “, que não iria soar um pouco idiota?” Jungle PokerWhy que o elefante gosta de jogar cartas na selva? Como havia muitos guepardos. Untranslated Sam e Moos junto emigrado de Israel para a França, sem qualquer língua ou cultura de saber. Todas as tabelas é um pote de pomada marrom amarelo que só as pessoas um pouco de tomar. Deve ser fixado muito caro pensei que Sam e Moos, caso contrário, eles podem demorar mais tempo. E pergunto o que poderia ser (mostarda é quase desconhecida na Europa Oriental, onde comem uma mistura de beterraba raiz-forte e vermelho) Uma vez que o garçom vai olhar para o outro um deles uma grande colher e comer tomar pot Hett . Sam é o primeiro da fila. Dificilmente ele tem o material amarelo na boca ou saltar lágrimas em seus olhos e sua cabeça é vermelho. O que você pedir Moos. Ah Sam disse que eu tinha de repente, pensei no meu irmão, que morreu afogado no ano passado. Mas como é o gosto? Moos pergunta. Delicious diz Sam. Dan Moos leva uma mordida mais grande como Sam tinha feito e imediatamente começa a chorar. Por que você chora, em seguida, sorriu Sam. Eu chorei no ano passado que você e seu irmão são afogados. Todas as peças Um casal de idade de 80 a top vai em uma refeição do McDonald’s. Puseram-se em uma mesa, o macho vai para o balcão e pedir uma Croquet Mc e volta com um sanduíche, batatas fritas e uma cola. Ele corta o sanduíche em dois e fez o meia perfeito para sua esposa. Em seguida, lançou as fichas para fora do planalto e os divide em 2 montes iguais e tira uma peça para sua esposa. Ele bebe um gole de Coca-Cola e, em seguida, um gole de sua esposa e começa a comer, enquanto sua esposa está assistindo. Um jovem que está perto viu e achou muito triste que estes idosos juntos, mas pode pagar uma parte das suas pensões. Ele vai para a senhora e diz: “Senhora, não hesite em pedir uma porção, vou pagar a conta.” Diz a senhora: “Não é necessário, senhor, nós fomos casados 60 anos e estamos habituados a partilhar tudo juntos”. O rapaz, senta-se e vê que a mulher come nada, ela espera, enquanto o marido continuou a comer metade. Ele não pode respeitar, remonta à senhora e diz: “Senhora, sua parte sinta-se livre para comer, para uma parte nova para você.” Para que a senhora diz: “Não, obrigado, senhor, estamos habituados a partilhar tudo.” Diz o rapaz: “Por que você não começa com sua parte?” A senhora diz: “Estamos após 60 anos de casamento só para partilhar tudo.” Para que o jovem diz: “E quando você vê, então?” Diz a mulher: “Os dentes falsos!” Você também humor divertido de pôquer que você deseja compartilhar, envie-o para o site e nós pokertips.pro coloca-lo diretamente para esta página.

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Pokeren ze ook in de hemel? Een man is gek van pokeren en hij vroeg zich af of ze in de hemel ook pokeren. Na de samenkomst ging hij naar de voorganger en vroeg het aan hem. De voorganger zei: vanavond bel ik toch met de hemel, dan vraag ik het gelijk wel even. De volgende dag komt de man weer bij de voorganger en de voorganger zegt: ik heb goed nieuws en slecht nieuws; het goede nieuws is dat ze inderdaad pokeren in de hemel. Het slechte nieuws is dat je voor volgende week staat ingeschreven voor een poker toernooitje! Helemaal fout! Iedere maandagavond komen ze bij elkaar om te pokeren. Het was de vorige week erg laat geworden en Moos vroeg aan Bram wat zijn vrouw had gezegd toen hij om half vier was thuisgekomen. Bram schudt zijn hoofd en zegt: “Spreek me er niet van. Ze lag te slapen en ik ben heel stil de slaapkamer binnengegaan. Maar ze werd wakker en heeft verder de hele nacht ruzie gemaakt.” “Fout! Helemaal fout!” zegt Moos. “Helemaal fout! Je had mijn methode moeten volgen. Als ik laat thuis kom, doe ik overal het licht aan, gooi de slaapkamer deur open en schreeuw: “Kleed je uit, we gaan vadertje en moedertje spelen.” “En dan?” vraagt Bram. “Negen van de tien keer doet ze dan net alsof ze slaapt.” 3ling Er zit een drieling in de baarmoeder van de moeder. Ze zaten daar al 6 maanden met elkaar te rotzooien, en op een dag zijn ze zo verveeld dat ze maar besluiten poker te gaan spelen. Omdat ze nog niet geboren waren heetten ze 1, 2,& 3. Nu was nr. 3 steeds maar aan het verliezen en hij bedacht toen een list. Net toen 1 zijn royal flush wilde laten zien husselde hij alle kaarten en riep, jongens, papa komt er aan, weg wezen die handel. Phil en zijn ganzen Phil Ivey werkt als kok in een grote villa. Wanneer de huisheer een middag dutje doet, laat Phil de tuinman, de hulp en de chauffeur in de keuken komen en beginnen ze met zijn vieren te pokeren. Plotseling komt de huisbaas in de keuken en met zijn boze stem zegt hij tegen Phil: Zou jij voor het avondeten niet de veren van de ganzen plukken? Phil:- “maar waar denkt u dat ik mee bezig ben”? Beste vriend Bob en zijn zijn beste vriend harry spelen iedere woensdag poker met een kennis genaamd Jan. Nou overleed jan onlangs en bob en harry wilde zijn gedachte in ere houden door door te gaan met pokeren op woensdag avond. Maar pokeren met ze tweeen is een beetje saai dus Harry neemt zijn vrouw mee. Zo gaat het een paar weken door en bob merkt dat de vrouw van harry steeds in zijn richting lonkt,.. niet gewoon kijken maar heel verleidelijk. Zo ook deze woensdag, bob is aan de beurt om te delen maar laat een paar kaarten op de grond vallen. Hij duikt onder de tafel om de gevallen kaarten op te pakken en ziet, tot zijn verbazing, onder de tafel dat de vrouw van harry geen slipje draagt en wijd beens met een hand haarzelf stimuleert. helemaal beduust gaat bob weer zitten schud de kaarten en deelt nu netjes. De snacks zijn op en bob gaat naar de keuken om nieuwe te halen. De vrouw van harry volgt em en vraagt hem in de keuken of hij wat ziet in het aanbod. bob was zich van geen aanbod bewust en vond het alleen maar genant. dus hij informeert. -“aanbod?” + Jah wil je met me naar bed, voor 500 euro ben ik een hele dag lang de jouwe -uhm,… Een stilte valt en bob overweegt de morele consequenties van het tegen betaling slapen met de vrouw van zijn beste vriend en de draagkracht van zijn bank saldo. Bob en de vrouw van harry maken een afspraak voor de volgende dag omdat harry op donderdagen de hele dag op de zaak is. Ze gaan de kamer weer in en spelen de poker avond uit. De volgende ochtend staat bob om half elf bij harry’s vrouw op de stoep. Harry’s vrouw opent de deur gekleed in dr meest geile nacht japon, en vraagt of bob het geld heeft en gebied hem haar te volgen naar de slaapkamer, waar zij de sexuele transactie voltrekken. Bob geeft de 500 euro en vertrekt breed grijnzend het huis van harry en zijn vrouw. Na het werkt komt harry thuis en vraagt zijn vrouw,…”is bob hier geweest?” zijn vrouw schrikt en zegt,..”uhm jah hoezow?” “en heeft hij je 500 euro gegeven?” vraagt harry Zijn vrouw voelt zich betrapt en wil niet tegen haar man liegen en dus beaamd ze zijn vraag. “ja bob was hier vannochtend en heeft me 500 euro gegeven” Harry zucht opgelucht,.. en zegt “Bob is een echte vriend, hij kwam vannochtend langs op kantoor en vroeg me hem 500 euro te lenen,.. hij zou het vandaag nog terug betalen,…….” Potje pokeren In het Amerikaanse leger was pokeren verboden. Een katholiek, protestant en een Jood worden aangegeven, omdat ze desondanks gepokerd hebben. Ze moeten verantwoording afleggen. De Katholiek: Ik zweer bij de maagd Maria, dat ik niet gepokerd heb. De Protestant beroept zich op Maarten Luther en zweert eveneens dat hij niet heeft gepokerd. Nu komt de Jood aan de beurt om de eed af te leggen. Hij zegt; Nou edelachtbare, kan ik soms in mijn eentje pokeren? Bolle wang Kris en Piet 2 oude schoolkameraden komen zich na lange tijd nog eens tegen. Kris ziet dat Piet een dikke bolle wang heeft en zegt: amaai dat ziet er pijnlijk uit hoe kom je daaraan? Tja zegt Piet 2dagen naar de casino geweest hé.De eerste dag blackjack gespeeld 10.000 € euro gewonnen!kris: gelukzak! Ja zegt Piet daarna poker gespeeld 100.000 € gewonnen! Kris :waaw! Piet : Daarna op de gokkasten gespeeld 1.000.000 € gewonnen! Kris zegt: maar alé jong dan zijt ge stinkend rijk! Pff zegt Piet de 2 de dag terug naar de casino ,alles ingezet op de roulette en verloren. Oei oei menne man zegt Kris dat is toch voor u klote op te vreten waarop Piet antwoord ja jong wat denkt ge dat ik aan het doen ben! Pizza en pokerspeler Wat is het verschil tussen een grote pizza en een pokerspeler ? Een grote pizza kan een familie voeden, een pokerspeler niet… Overeenkomst poker en seks Wat is de overeenkomst tussen pokeren en seks? Je hebt geen partner nodig als je een goede hand hebt Ei hoort er bij Er zitten twee ijskasten in de boom, een spelletje poker aan het spelen. Zien ze onder langs de boom een ei voorbij huppelen. Roept een van de ijskasten naar beneden; Hé, ei, doe je mee een spelletje kaarten? Met z’n drieën is het veel gezelliger. Nee, roept het ei naar boven, ik heb geen tijd, ik moet om twee uur bij de kapper zijn. Cowboy komt er een cowboy in een café, en ziet een kerel op de grond liggen. cowboy: dood? barman: daar moet je wel oprekenen cowboy: vals gespeeld? barman: daar moet je wel oprekenen cowboy: poker? barman: nee de piano… Poker spelen met de hond Judith komt haar woonkamer binnen en ziet haar broer poker spelen met de nieuwe hond van de buren. Waw, zegt ze verrast. “Dit moet de slimste hond ter wereld zijn, zegt ze. “Hij is niet zo slim zegt de broer,” . “Van de vijf potjes heb ik er al drie gewonnen.” Poker Cheating Vier cowboys zitten in een oude saloon in Tombstone poker te spelen. Er zit veel geld in de pot en ze houden elkaar scherp in de gaten. Toen één van de spelers zijn kaarten neerlegde stond de dealer op en zei verrast, “Hey, George speelt vals, hij speelt niet met de kaarten die ik aan hem heb uitgedeeld!” Minnares Een man en vrouw zitten in een chique restaurant te eten wanneer er een erg mooie jongedame op de man afkomt en hem innig zoent, en zegt hem dat ze hem later ziet in de hotelkamer waarna ze weer weggaat. Zijn vrouw kijkt naar hem en zegt, wat was dat allemaal? Oh, zegt de man, “dat was mijn minnares.” Zijn vrouw zegt, “Dat is het toppunt, ik wil een echtscheiding” “Dat begrijp ik,” zegt de man, “Maar vergeet niet als wij gaan scheiden dat er geen tripjes meer zijn naar Parijs, geen overwintering in de Caribbean, geen Mercedes in de garage en geen poker-uitjes naar Las Vegas, maar de beslissing is aan jou. Dan ziet de vrouw een kennis binnenkomen in het restaurant met een vreemde vrouw aan zijn arm. “Wie is die vrouw die met Klaas binnenkomt? ” vraagt ze. “Dat is zijn minnares,” zegt de man. “Die van ons is mooier,” zegt de vrouw. Poker Players are Never Satisfied A tinker and his dog enter a bar and discover there is a poker game going in the back room. The tinker’s had a good week so he decides to join in. Most of the players are locals, but one guy, a big winner, is also a stranger in town. The tinker does OK – up a little, down a little, generally holding his own. His dog sits on a chair beside him and watches the game. About an hour into the game, the tinker gets a good 7-stud starting hand. On fifth street he makes a club flush. Unfortunately the stranger appears to be working on a spade flush and his highest up card is bigger than the tinker’s highest card. As 7th street is being dealt, the tinker pats his dog on the head and says, “Girl, I sure could use an ace of clubs. ” The dog jumps down from the chair, runs around to the stranger and bites his ankle. As the stranger reaches down to grab the dog, a card falls out of his sleeve. The dog quickly picks it up in her mouth and brings it back to her master. The stranger, realizing he’s been caught cheating, leaps up and runs out the door with several locals in pursuit. The tinker takes the card from the dog’s mouth and starts to swear, “You stupid, goddamn dog! Can’t you get anything right?” The barkeep chides him, “Mister, why are you swearing at your dog like that? She just saved you a lot of money by catching that cheat!” The tinker responds by throwing the card face up on the table, “I tell her the ace of clubs and what does she bring me but the goddamn ace of spades!” Red Dog Poker A Red dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram. He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send: “Bow wow Poker, Bow wow Poker.” The clerk says, “You can add another “Bow wow’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog responded, “wouldn’t that sound a little silly?” Jungle PokerWhy didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs. Onvertaald Sam en Moos zijn samen geëmigreerd vanuit Israel naar Frankrijk zonder iets van de taal of cultuur te weten. Op alle tafels staat een potje met bruingele zalf waar de mensen maar een klein beetje van nemen. Het moet vast heel duur zijn denken Sam en Moos, want anders zouden ze wel meer nemen. En vragen zich af wat het wel kan zijn (Mosterd is in oost Europa haast onbekend- men eet daar een mengsel van mierikswortel met rode bieten) Zodra de kelner de andere kant op kijkt zal een van hen een grote schep uit hett potje nemen en opeten. Sam is als eerste aan de beurt. Nauwelijks heeft hij het gele goedje in zijn mond of de tranen springen in zijn ogen en zijn hoofd loopt rood aan. Wat heb jij vraagt Moos. Ach zegt Sam ik moest ineens aan mijn broer denken die vorig jaar verdronken is. Maar hoe smaakt het? Vraagt Moos. Heerlijk zegt Sam. Dan neemt Moos een nog grotere hap als Sam gedaan had en begint prompt te huilen. waarom huil jij dan grinnikt Sam. Ik huil dat jij vorig jaar niet samen met je broer verdronken bent. Alles delen Een oud koppel van boven de 80 gaat in een McDonald’s eten. Ze zetten zich aan een tafel en het mannetje gaat naar de balie en bestelt een Mc Croquet en komt terug met één broodje, één portie friet en één cola. Hij snijdt het broodje perfect in twee en legt de helft voor zijn vrouw. Dan giet hij de patat uit op het plateau en verdeelt ze in 2 gelijke hoopjes en legt er een part voor zijn vrouw. Hij drinkt een slokje van de cola en dan zijn vrouw een slokje en begint te eten, terwijl zijn vrouw zit toe te kijken. Een jongeman die in de buurt zit heeft dat gezien en vindt dat erg zielig, dat die oude mensen zich samen maar één portie kunnen permiteren van hun pensioentje. Hij gaat naar de mevrouw en zegt: “Mevrouw, bestel gerust ook een portie, ik zal de rekening betalen.” Zegt de mevrouw: “Dat is niet nodig meneer, we zijn al 60 jaar getrouwd en we zijn gewend om alles samen te delen.” De jongeman, gaat zitten en ziet dat de vrouw niets eet, ze blijft wachten terwijl haar man verder zijn helft opeet. Hij kan het niet meer aanzien, gaat terug naar die madam en zegt: “Mevrouw, eet gerust uw part op, ik bestel dan een nieuwe portie voor jullie.” Waarop die mevrouw zegt: “Nee bedankt, meneer, wij zijn gewend om alles te delen.” Zegt de jongeman: “Waarom begint u dan niet aan uw portie?” Zegt de madam: “Wij zijn na 60 jaar huwelijk gewoon van alles te delen.” Waarop de jongeman zegt: “En waarop wacht u nu dan nog?” Zegt het vrouwtje: “Op het kunstgebit!” Heb je zelf ook leuke pokerhumor welke je wilt delen, mail deze naar de pokertips.pro website en we plaatsen deze direct op deze pagina. Speel gratis poker. Op zoek naar poker strategie artikelen ? Of naar pokertips voor gevorderden of winnaars?  Een overzicht met de beste 10 online pokerbonussen vind je hier.

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